To help adult children of older adults know what to say to aging parents about long term care issues, the following scenarios are most common topics that adult children worry about. Home Instead Senior Care research conducted surveys and in-depth studies in the U.S. on these hard topics. Responses to “how to bring up conversations with aging relatives” were developed in cooperation with Jake Harwood, Ph.D., communication professor and author from the University of Arizona.

Here are a few that were addressed. You can visit the site mentioned below for more information.

How do you begin a conversation with your mom, age 70 who has been diagnosed with macular degeneration, about the possible ramifications of this disease on her life?

Many seniors in this situation might begin the conversation with family themselves. If not, then it would be good to think about her personal circumstances and important areas to address. For example, if your mother lives in a remote area, transportation is probably the most immediate issue. Approach the conversation with the goal of trying to resolve this one issue, rather than multiple issues.

Timing is the key. There are rarely urgent deadlines that have to be met immediately—give yourself and your parent time to think about issues. Your mom would likely be receptive to a conversation that begins: “Let’s figure out a plan for how you can get around town if you no longer feel safe driving.”

Did your Dad Hit a Light Pole?

A neighbor of your 83-year-old dad has called to tell you he saw your father back his car into a light pole. What do you say?

If the damage is visible, you could ask, “Hey Dad, what happened to the car?” Or you could bring up the phone call from his neighbor. “Fred from next door called and said he saw you run your car into the light pole.”

Take the opportunity to drive with your parent. Even a short drive would help you gauge your dad’s skills and deficits. For instance, an older adult who consciously reduces driving at night because of vision issues or who drives a little slower to account for reaction time is probably safe. On the other hand, an 83-year-old who insists on driving icy highways at night while doing 75 mph is probably in need of immediate intervention. Then gear your comments accordingly. If you’re concerned that your dad is unsafe on the roads, make his safety and that of others your focus. “Dad, I’m worried that you’re no longer safe on the roads and that others could be at risk as well.”

If you recently had a conversation on a sensitive topic with an aging loved one, please tell us your story. Please add tips that worked for you by placing it in the comment section.

40/70 Talk